This weekend was a complete BLAST. It started on Friday with a fabulous Christmas work party which meant we really only had to work for about 4 hours! I really wanted to be festive since the entire building would be at the party, so I thought I’d wear my killer Christmas sweater vest. I walked into the company building that morning with my head held high and a bit of strut because I knew I was looking my Christmas best. I was saying good morning to strangers, smiling way too proudly, and having conversations with co-workers in the elevator even though they tried to pretend they were invisible. Then, I finally got to my floor and someone complimented my sweater vest! I looked down in fake humility because of course I thought I looked awesome too, and that’s when I realize that my vest was on inside out. Fan-freaking-tastic. I should have known that feeling that cool could only lead to a loser ending. Gah.
After work Colin and I went to a church Christmas party. It was a white elephant gift party so everyone was excited to watch someone get their lame-pre-used and completely hilarious gift. One guy at the party, Scott, has been known to go to the extremes to bring the goofiest and strangest gifts every year, and I knew I had to be the one to pick it this time when he put a disclaimer on it saying that it should not be moved and should only be opened by lifting the tub top off of it. My turn finally came, I chose his gift, braced myself, lifted the lid and BOOM a LOBSTER! I don’t know what Scott thinks about when he chooses his gifts but they’re strange, hilarious and kind of genius…and in this case smelly.
I had to get Indiana Jones, aka Allen…you’d have to meet him to understand his odd hilariousness, to lift it out of the bucket because I couldn’t bring myself to touch the poor thing, which was already dead, but somehow managed to stare into my soul with those tiny bulbous eyes. *shivers*
Colin and I refused to take it home, and Scott refused to take it back, so the group decided the only way to truly honor the lobster would be to leave it on the Preacher’s door step. We wrote up a letter, jumped into our cars and headed to our pastor’s house with lobster in tow. We aren’t the stealthiest group so before we had the chance to ding-dong ditch the preacher heard our slamming doors, muffled voices and giggles and he came to the door.
The MVP award of the night definitely went to the guy who yelled “ABORT ABORT” so we could all get out without being seen. Not even 10 minutes later the preacher’s wife had posted pictures on Facebook with the heading: “We’ve been lobstered!!!!”
Best ever.
The rest of the weekend went something like this…food, fudge, fudge, food, pie, coffee, coffee, coffee, sugar cookie, sugar cookie, sugar cookie, YEAH! And all in that order.
And now today is my Tuesday cause we don’t work Friday and I’m all hopped up on energy drinks to make it through the day!
Happy Monday!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Uncovering some sad truths
I've been keeping track of all the things that I've learned that I should and shouldn't do and of all the habits I should form, now that I work in a more professional environment. Today, I am happy...and then again not so happy, to have learned a few new things.
1. I cannot eat Chipotle for lunch unless I am planning on not returning to work afterward. The problem isn't actually Chipotle so much as the fact that I can't refuse their firey red hot sauce, which unfortunately gives me the tummy rumbles after an hour and then causes me to run with a clenched booty to the restroom every 30 minutes for another couple of hours.
2. I will stay away from the rude-face woman down the hall who I'm thinking might have a chemical imbalance. After she barked at me to put my purse up today, I became irrevocably convinced that she actually has an uncontrollable compulsion to steal things (which is why it was impertinent for me to put up my purse before her idol hand snatched it) and a severe case of turrets that causes her to make a crazy stink eye face and yell rudely. Either that or she just doesn't like me, and there's no way that's true because I'm just too awesome...right?
In other news...I have been having an issue with the clicker that I use to get into my extremely expensive gorgeously furnished mansion....aka my second floor apartment. It's the most frustrating thing in the world and often times embarrassing. Every day I come home and I sit outside my gate punching the button on that stupid clicker, while I slowly become more and more agitated until I look like a crazy. I click high, low, far to the left and far to the right and nothing. I hold the button down for 5 seconds in each direction again, and nothing. I roll down my window and try again...nothing! I've even gotten out of my car, kicked the gate and pointed the clicker right at the stupid sensor, and still, NOTHING. I would tell Colin about this issue I've been having, but he'd probably tell me something smart like, "Just take it to the office babe, they'll fix it or give you a new one." But, I'm lazy and I don't want to do that. What would really happen is he would end up doing it for me so I've been trying to stop myself from being selfish and allowing Colin to do all the things I hate to do.
THEN Miraculously this week, I thought I was going to be able to avoid telling him at all because the stupid thing started working! Sure it still takes a few minutes but it works! Or at least, I thought it did. See, the truth is, there is a guy that gets home a little before me every day, and pitying my pathetic attempts, he discretely pushes his clicker as he walks to his apartment. I saw him today, and with my wide eyes, open mouth and slow drive past him he realized that he'd been caught. He shrugged and gave a shy smile in a "Heh...yes I've actually been doing this for you all week," sort of way, to which I bowed my head graciously.
He's a real swell neighbor and all and I'm very grateful for his kindness, but I'm also a lot sad because I have to face the truth and set aside time to go down to the office and get a new clicker. I wonder if my neighbor wouldn't mind pretending like I didn't see him? Yeah, probably not.
1. I cannot eat Chipotle for lunch unless I am planning on not returning to work afterward. The problem isn't actually Chipotle so much as the fact that I can't refuse their firey red hot sauce, which unfortunately gives me the tummy rumbles after an hour and then causes me to run with a clenched booty to the restroom every 30 minutes for another couple of hours.
2. I will stay away from the rude-face woman down the hall who I'm thinking might have a chemical imbalance. After she barked at me to put my purse up today, I became irrevocably convinced that she actually has an uncontrollable compulsion to steal things (which is why it was impertinent for me to put up my purse before her idol hand snatched it) and a severe case of turrets that causes her to make a crazy stink eye face and yell rudely. Either that or she just doesn't like me, and there's no way that's true because I'm just too awesome...right?
In other news...I have been having an issue with the clicker that I use to get into my extremely expensive gorgeously furnished mansion....aka my second floor apartment. It's the most frustrating thing in the world and often times embarrassing. Every day I come home and I sit outside my gate punching the button on that stupid clicker, while I slowly become more and more agitated until I look like a crazy. I click high, low, far to the left and far to the right and nothing. I hold the button down for 5 seconds in each direction again, and nothing. I roll down my window and try again...nothing! I've even gotten out of my car, kicked the gate and pointed the clicker right at the stupid sensor, and still, NOTHING. I would tell Colin about this issue I've been having, but he'd probably tell me something smart like, "Just take it to the office babe, they'll fix it or give you a new one." But, I'm lazy and I don't want to do that. What would really happen is he would end up doing it for me so I've been trying to stop myself from being selfish and allowing Colin to do all the things I hate to do.
THEN Miraculously this week, I thought I was going to be able to avoid telling him at all because the stupid thing started working! Sure it still takes a few minutes but it works! Or at least, I thought it did. See, the truth is, there is a guy that gets home a little before me every day, and pitying my pathetic attempts, he discretely pushes his clicker as he walks to his apartment. I saw him today, and with my wide eyes, open mouth and slow drive past him he realized that he'd been caught. He shrugged and gave a shy smile in a "Heh...yes I've actually been doing this for you all week," sort of way, to which I bowed my head graciously.
He's a real swell neighbor and all and I'm very grateful for his kindness, but I'm also a lot sad because I have to face the truth and set aside time to go down to the office and get a new clicker. I wonder if my neighbor wouldn't mind pretending like I didn't see him? Yeah, probably not.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Neurotic vs erotic
Ok HILARIOUS had to be shared right this moment story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Back story necessary: My boss pays close attention to detail and she is on top of her game all the time. She doesn’t let things get passed her and she likes for things to be neat and tidy and taken care of. Apparently this type of behavior, in her mind, makes her neurotic. She goes around saying it ALL the time. She isn’t suffering from any social adjustment issues, nor does she have any odd compulsions or obsessions…she just really wants to do her job right.
Real story: The guy that I work with has a small language barrier. He grew up in Mexico, but has been in America for a long time. His English is very good, but every once in a while he will get a word mixed up or pronounce it wrong, so today he comes up to me and says with a chuckle (and in much too loud of a voice) “Where’s Mrs. Erotic!? Have you seen her??”
“Uhm….What!?!?!?” was my response.
“You know,” he says shoving me jokingly with his elbow “Mrs. Erotic!? Sally? I haven’t seen her but her lights are on in her office.”
“Oh my gosh!” I say finally realizing he’s talking about our boss. “No, no…Josh…keep your voice down dude. Don’t say Erotic….it’s NNNNNNeurotic. Ok?”
And then the light bulb hit him and he realized what he was saying and I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone’s face turn so red
Back story necessary: My boss pays close attention to detail and she is on top of her game all the time. She doesn’t let things get passed her and she likes for things to be neat and tidy and taken care of. Apparently this type of behavior, in her mind, makes her neurotic. She goes around saying it ALL the time. She isn’t suffering from any social adjustment issues, nor does she have any odd compulsions or obsessions…she just really wants to do her job right.
Real story: The guy that I work with has a small language barrier. He grew up in Mexico, but has been in America for a long time. His English is very good, but every once in a while he will get a word mixed up or pronounce it wrong, so today he comes up to me and says with a chuckle (and in much too loud of a voice) “Where’s Mrs. Erotic!? Have you seen her??”
“Uhm….What!?!?!?” was my response.
“You know,” he says shoving me jokingly with his elbow “Mrs. Erotic!? Sally? I haven’t seen her but her lights are on in her office.”
“Oh my gosh!” I say finally realizing he’s talking about our boss. “No, no…Josh…keep your voice down dude. Don’t say Erotic….it’s NNNNNNeurotic. Ok?”
And then the light bulb hit him and he realized what he was saying and I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone’s face turn so red
My morning drive.
This morning on the way to work I was jamming out, a crucial part of my every morning because I don’t just wake up this peppy, it’s due to a string of perfectly selected dashboard and foot tapping music with the occasional ballad so I can get my Celine D-on. Anyways, I got caught at a light and my one-man-head-banging-belt-it-out car band was witnessed by some RUDE person next to me who apparently was never taught not to laugh and point, nor thought it important to teach their children not to laugh and point. (I think it’s safe to say these people don’t have friends) So, I had an escalade full of small children on their way to school laughing at me, and probably my car because used vehicles don’t exist where I live unless they’re vintage. (I almost thought they were going to start chanting O’Doyles rule!)
So, moral of the story: Must do research on the darkest legal tint and how much it would cost for my car. Also, might look into a sunroof so when I do see those people again I can anonymously flip them off behind the comfort of my limo-tint.
p.s. Semi’s and concrete mixers (concrete mixers especially) please stop slowly moving back and forth at stop lights, you make me feel like my car is moving and I go into a crazy panic, slamming on my brakes, shaking the steering wheel and screaming WHY!?!? for about 10 seconds before I realize it’s just you! It messes with my perception…and mixers, you guys make me really nauseous. On the bright side I don’t lose my grip on what’s important in life since I see it flash before my eyes once or twice a week
Monday, December 13, 2010
Christmas themes and schemes.
I’m a slightly thematic person, as in I love to have days with themes even in the smallest ways. I don’t go all out and decorate but I love to entertain a theme in my mind for a day, especially around Christmas. Typically my themed days are pretty basic and include watching movies, and baking things that represent the selected movies…such as Harry Potter movie days with sugar cookies in the shape of wands…or Halloween themed days with spooky movies (as in ones that MIGHT scare a five year old because I’m a pansy) and the sugar cookies with pumpkins, bats and ghost designs. Christmas time is when I really like to get all thematic from my spirit to the clothes I’m sporting. In previous years it’s varied from holiday themed shirts, bracelets and earrings to wearing footsie pajama’s and pigtails all day in an effort to relive childhood Christmases. (Which is actually kind of odd since I never wore footsie pajama’s on Christmas when I was little)
This year is going to be the best by far! My sister and I decided that we would kick it senior citizen style, so my outfit for Christmas day is one orthopedic shoe pair away from making my grandma jealous! I will be wearing a black yarn-woven vest with 3-D shapes and a golden trim. My pants will be the elastic kind that pull up to your rib cage, so, as you can imagine, I will be…absolutely…positively…LOVELY. J
Oh, and since I’m married now I can’t not include my husband! I just know that he is super excited to be wearing his sweater vest shirt! It’s actually a baby blue shirt that looks like an ugly Christmas vest…much like there are tuxedo t-shirts.
* * *
In other news….We’ll be going to Colin’s grandparent’s house this weekend to celebrate Christmas, and if it’s anything as interesting as last year I will have LOADS of stories to tell!
Last year Colin hurt his back before we went out there so he was on muscle relaxers and pain pills the entire time. They made him extremely tired and they messed with his perception so bad! We went for a walk around the property and we got to this creek that Colin thought he could jump across. Wrrrooong! He jumped, almost slipped, grabbed onto a branch for balance, which of course broke and landed Colin in the creek on his knees. I wish I could say that I didn’t laugh at him…but I definitely did and couldn’t stop. He spent the rest of the day in and out of sleep while his dad played pranks on him.
Basically…I’m way too excited about this weekend and contemplating spiking some of Colin’s drinks so I can take him on another walk and convince him to jump across a creek.
This year is going to be the best by far! My sister and I decided that we would kick it senior citizen style, so my outfit for Christmas day is one orthopedic shoe pair away from making my grandma jealous! I will be wearing a black yarn-woven vest with 3-D shapes and a golden trim. My pants will be the elastic kind that pull up to your rib cage, so, as you can imagine, I will be…absolutely…positively…LOVELY. J
Oh, and since I’m married now I can’t not include my husband! I just know that he is super excited to be wearing his sweater vest shirt! It’s actually a baby blue shirt that looks like an ugly Christmas vest…much like there are tuxedo t-shirts.
* * *
In other news….We’ll be going to Colin’s grandparent’s house this weekend to celebrate Christmas, and if it’s anything as interesting as last year I will have LOADS of stories to tell!
Last year Colin hurt his back before we went out there so he was on muscle relaxers and pain pills the entire time. They made him extremely tired and they messed with his perception so bad! We went for a walk around the property and we got to this creek that Colin thought he could jump across. Wrrrooong! He jumped, almost slipped, grabbed onto a branch for balance, which of course broke and landed Colin in the creek on his knees. I wish I could say that I didn’t laugh at him…but I definitely did and couldn’t stop. He spent the rest of the day in and out of sleep while his dad played pranks on him.
Basically…I’m way too excited about this weekend and contemplating spiking some of Colin’s drinks so I can take him on another walk and convince him to jump across a creek.
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